christian marriage counseling

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Collaborative Divorce

By Moses Wright

Though divorce is often full of emotional conflict, the process of a collaborative divorce fosters an attitude of cooperation between the divorcing spouses. The goal of a collaborative divorce is to reach a settlement that both parties approve and that is in the best interest of any children involved.

Both divorcing spouses have to have a desire to enter to process with honesty regarding assets and with a willingness to cooperate for a collaborative divorce to work. Collaborative divorces are beneficial to spouses who want to maintain contact, remain friends, or maintain civility for the sake of their children.

Lawyers are still used in a collaborative divorce process. Many times, other professionals are used as well. The process may involve the use of divorce coaches or mediators, financial experts, and a professional specializing in children. Other professionals, such as appraisers, may be utilized as necessary.

These professionals help the divorcing spouses reach a fair divorce agreement through honest information and respectful communication. Some of the professionals will help the divorcing spouses understand how the divorce agreement will affect them. Financial plans and parenting plans may be devised.

If children are involved, a parenting plan is used to address custody, visitation, and any other parental concerns. These plans may help prevent future conflicts between divorced spouses.

Court litigation is avoided with this type of divorce. The goal is to resolve disagreements with respectful communication and integrity with the use of mediators. Once an agreement is reached, both divorcing spouses sign the agreement which makes it a contract.

A collaborative divorce can be expensive. The professionals used during this process typically charge by the hour. The collaborative divorce process, costs, and resulting agreement vary for each case.

The ability of both divorcing spouses to be directly involved in creating agreements that are customized to meet the unique needs of the family involved is one of the benefits of a collaborative divorce. Divorcing parents and other divorcing spouses may want to consider this alternative process of divorce.

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Friday, October 16, 2009

How To Get Your Boyfriend Back After a Breakup

By Dan Z. Yang

Has your boyfriend just broken up with you? Do you feel alone when not together with your ex? Are you thinking about the possibility of getting him back? Here is some tip's to help you take the next step.

First, you will need to first find out if the relationship is truly over. What I mean by this is you may want to get back together with your boyfriend, but it is in fact quite obvious that it would be extremely difficult.

Perhaps after thinking about it, you come to the conclusion that it would be difficult to have a healthy relationship with your ex-boyfriend. However, because you miss him so much and feel like you really want him back, you may feel reluctant to believe that your conclusion is correct. Don't worry about your conclusion. If your gut feeling is telling you that the relationship would be unhealthy, then go with it for the time being. You can always change it later. If it's the right thing to do, there is always time later to get back together again.

After giving it some consideration, you might discover that the relationship is worth saving. If this is the case, here are some strategies to help you.

Some of the silliest behavior is observed in people who are heartbroken. These people will do the most awkward and abnormal things to try and get their exs back. Like leaving 1 million messages on their ex-lovers answering machine. In order to limit the frequency of unproductive behavior on your part, you should ask a friend who is of sound mind to help you navigate this relationship rescue.

Another helpful strategy is to use the services of a therapist. They are often better than friends because they are more impartial. A friend may think too much about your well-being, where as a therapist will simply apply the relationship theory. You need this kind of honesty and straightforwardness at this time.

You will also want to make sure that your efforts to get your boyfriend back do not become your sole occupation. You should be living a full and complete life each day while only letting your relationship issue taking up a small portion of each day. Each day should include spending time with a close friend or family member. If your friends do a girls night out, make sure you attend. Do you exercise every day? If not, start now. Exercising every day will not only make you more healthy, but it will also increase your happiness. Finally every person needs to have a couple hours of entertainment each day. Spend a couple hours reading an enjoyable novel or watching a good TV program.

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Thursday, October 15, 2009

Why Men Persist Using Lines To Pick Up Women

By Ai Qin Lee

Men will never stop using lines to pick up women, and as much as women may protest against these lines, they actually need them to help choose whom they will spend time with. Pick up lines are expected and men never fail to deliver them, opening up themselves for rejection by doing so.

The female generation does not really care that much about how males look, as they are more interested in how a guy can make her feel, so your looks may not get you a date sir. What she will react on is how you talk to her and more specifically, what you say and how you say it.

Most men know that making a girl laugh counts for a lot of points, so they revert to comical pick ups. Some of these can be hilarious and the girl will at least realize this guy may keep her smiling if nothing else.

Flattery does get you everywhere - or so men believe, so they use lines that are aimed at complimenting something about a woman. If sincere, these lines work well as women loved to be noticed and if a guy notices something she is wearing especially for the evening, he might get a chance with her.

Serious guys use serious pick up lines that usually start with the phrase - this is not a pick up line, but..... Women are supposed to feel comfortable as the man shows he has no bad intentions when using this style of approach. What guys do not realize is that the girl merely sits back and waits for the real pick up line that is bound to follow at some stage.

With the night winding down and the women getting fewer, pick up lines get a bit more to the point. Direct approaches can be very effective at this time of night as men scramble to find a partner. Be warned gentlemen, should you be in it for a simple yes or no, you might just get that. Take your leave immediately when rejected as no other line will get you any closer.

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

How To Seduce Women

By Joe Roberts

Accepting what a lady is looking for in a man is the original secret to seducing a woman. For many men, the perception of how to seduce a woman is a mystery. But it's quite logical though. Men and women have opposing views in so many ways that it is not easy for many of us to really come to terms with how to get inside the mind of the opposite sex.

The key to seducing a woman is not a simple laundry list to verify step by step. It is more of a manual on the course you must keep on to completely seduce a woman. Mind, body and soul. And believe it or not, what truly gets a woman going is much simpler than you may have ever imagined.

Understanding the differences between the sexes will give you a head start on which to assemble your know-how of women. Once you can get inside her intellect, it's all simple from there.

Communication is the most significant aspect in seducing a lady. Like so many other areas of our lives, real interaction is the key to success. You want to seize the time to really familiar with her and what she is looking for. This will help you significantly when it comes to pleasing her. So do not think that getting to know your woman is a futile, grueling task of learning a bunch of useless information.

A long term strategy when seducing your woman is just as vital, too. Being in a rush will only harm any good you could have done by learning everything about your woman. When it comes to seducing a woman, take it slow. They want a man to take his time, not just dash in for an easy conquest. A woman wants to understand that you are not just playing her in favor of sex. And the best way to prove yourself is to take your time.

All in all, women like to feel exceptional. Being tender makes them feel exceptional. So if you want to seduce your woman you have to be romantic. It proves that you care. That you like to please her and that you know how to treat a woman right. Romance will take you a long way in seducing a female.

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The Secret Of Happiness Is Relationship

By Masami Sato

Why do we live? What are we here for? Day after day we asked these questions of the purpose and meaning of our lives. And most of us constantly look for the answer. How can we achieve happiness? This is yet another question urging us to look for its answer every day. What if the answer to those questions is simple? What if it is all simply about ONE thing? Connection. The secret of happiness is explained thoroughly in the clear and refreshing voice of Masami Sato in this excerpt of her book, ONE.

What are we trying to find out?

There are a host of things that we do in our lives.

But have we ever thought about why we do what we do? What are we really looking for?

The world is a confluence of millions of people of all continents, races, religions, and ideologies, doing different things. They look different and also act in different ways. All of us have different interests and each have a different viewpoint. We converse differently using different languages. We have different emotions and desires.

Nevertheless, if there was ONE thing that ALL of us are searching for, what could that be?

While I journeyed all over the world, I asked people a seemingly straightforward question, "What would you like to achieve in your life? What do you really want?"

In the beginning it appeared that different people were looking for different things. People said different things like "A house of my own", "A good job", "A perfect partner", "A soul mate", "A little more money", "An affectionate family", "Freedom", "Peace of mind", "A purpose to life" etc. There were many answers of this type.

I actually noticed that some of these things are temporal desires and some are more permanent desires. Temporal desire means we want it because we do not have it yet or we don't think we have it yet. On the other hand, permanent desire is not about attaining things we do not have. It is about the 'feeling' we seek so this does not end no matter what we get or achieve at each moment of our life.

If we take off the temporal desires from the list and look only at the permanent desires, it is clear that all we want is to continue experiencing positive feelings like exhilaration, enjoyment, encouragement, motivation, kindness, love, happiness etc. - in another way, we want to remain happy.

Contentment

Happiness is one state of emotion that we are all longing to be in. We all may define it differently. We may value it differently. We may experience it at different levels of intensity. But we surely have something in common when happiness comes to us. And when we discover this secret about happiness, we hold the power to be happier, and to make others around us experience the same feeling too.

Life is a mystery we are all living in. We all may love it in our own special ways. We may despise it in different ways. We may question it. We may treasure it. Or we may just have it, accept it, indifferently. But what is the purpose of our lives? What if the secret of our existence is so near? What if the secret actually brings us happiness and contentment when we discover it?

What if the truth of our life's purpose, and of its happiness, is as simple as this:

It is all about bonding.

Connection is everything

Everything depends on bonding. All things are part of some other things. A look at our own lives would say it all. Then we will begin to see the real purpose of life.

Why do we do anything, ANYTHING at all, in life as humans?

It is mainly because we want to bond more and more. We make fiends to feel bonded. We get married for bonding with another person in a firm and lasting manner. We raise a family to feel even more bonded. We go out and meet people to bond well with them, not only for getting advantages out of that bonding, but also to feel more bound to the world.

We buy good clothes or go to a hairdressing saloon for a better relationship with our aesthetical sense and to our own physical appearance. We eat all types of food to feel more connected to the sense of taste and flavour. We eat out to feel the relationship to the people we dine with. We get mobile phones and computers to weave relationships with others and the world. We read magazines and newspapers to remain in touch with whatever is going on and what others are doing and experiencing. We educate ourselves to keep in touch with what others know and value.

Every thing that we do is to satisfy the need of keeping alive relationships. It is our relationship to our own body that makes it imperative that we eat and sleep. Because of our relationship to our senses, we are asked to do things to satisfy the demands that body makes. If we ignore the demands that body makes, we have to bear the resultant aches and distress. And above our mundane needs, we yearn for another relationship - a relationship to our very existence - a relationship to our purpose. And without that connection, it is vacant. Just like the blankness so many of us feel when we have no relationship even to ourselves. That is just not the way our lives are supposed to be lived.

Connection is powerful, and yet it's fragile and tender

When the bonds in a relationship lose strength, we go in for a separation, divorce, disagreements, judgement, and bitterness. It never feels good to lose the bonding. Still, it possible to be in love with someone today, and totally disconnected and bitter towards him tomorrow. And this change of feelings can happen just by the flicker of an eyelid. And the eyes might be yours or theirs!

When the relationship is not there.

When the relationship is not there, we start seeing problems. We start seeing differences and hindrances. We start sitting upon judgement of others and disapproving them. We exaggerate, concentrate upon, and give energy to such things that we see as problems. Under such a scenario, these problems might turn inwards and inflict pain and disapproval on ourselves. We cannot be fully happy when we have no associations with anything.

Connection: the Secret to Happiness

What if we choose to perceive the entire thing in reverse? When we do that we understand this simple truth: we cannot feel despondent when we are in a strong relationship. It is simply not possible!

Try to feel grouchy when we have a good relationship with the people around us and smiling and sharing things completely. Even when we have 'problems' in life, we can still smile together and feel delighted when we are bound together in a good relationship. At the same time, it is hard to be happy if we do not have that edifying relationship.

Relationship: Our Life .

Bonding is the core of all things. That is what life is about. Bonding.

Things are just a combination of smaller parts. Things connect together to form a greater whole; the way our bodies are collections of smaller units, cells, organs, molecules and atoms.

Our acts and options also is an expression of the need for a relationship. We are meant to continuously find out ways to relate to each other and to a higher objective.

Relationship and Religion

Some of us choose to be part of different religions to feel more connected. The connection they seek could be to God. It could be to the people with the same belief. When we share the same belief, it creates a stronger sense of bonding within that group of people. More giving happens naturally among people who are feeling connected to each other.

Relationship and Business

People start a business to feel a stronger relationship to themselves by having better mastery over their destiny. But quite often in the world of entrepreneurship, there is a greater sense of isolation especially when we start seeing other enterprises as rivals, staff as devices and customers as a source of income. With all that, the main reason for getting into the business was to establish a relationship. So why should we cause any secluding at all? Maybe in an ideal world, all enterprises worked in another way, but jointly.

Bonding and Wars

Some of us even raise arguments or wars to feel some sense of 'triumph' or what is a heightened sense of safety and importance. But strangely, this ricochets. The minute we 'win' the fight, we are in fact weakening the relationship. We now require more sureness to defend ourselves from being assaulted by others. We thus end up being more unsure and frightened. We cannot take it lightly as it really happens to almost all of us in one form or another.

It may be the arguments we have with people around us. It may be the negative judgement we make when we feel something or someone is wrong. When we try to be the only one to win, we can never win in the real way-we feel disconnected. We can only truly celebrate the victory with others when we win together. Then we feel connected.

Despite the myriad ways in which we communicate our wants, everything we do is to fulfil the longing we have to feel and have strong bonds.

The real sense of connection comes only through our heart. We can connect with anybody when we are truly caring for them and feeling connected with them. If we know this, creating the desired state is actually simple, easy and fun. Then we would naturally experience more happiness and joy.

Life is a sport. We feel things and do things in a grand game but in reality the aim of any game is the pleasure we get out of it. It is not about doing something or having something. When the sports finally end, the winners are only the ones who have derived pleasure from the game. Not the ones who had more at the final tally. The upshots and end results of the sports in which we participate do not affect our actual life. But if we lost all our friends to participate in a game just because we wanted to win in that round, would it lead us to a lasting victory?

It is so easy to understand this in the example of playing a game, but we often become blind in our own everyday game called life. We forget so easily that it is also just a game.

We have no idea when this game began and when it would be over, all that we know is that it commenced in the past and that it will be over one day. When finally the umpire blows the whistle to stop the game, we can simply say, "Wow, it was a lot of fun. Let us play once again!"

In this game called life, the aim of the game is to 'connect'. We can keep connecting until we all become one. It is the only way to continuously feel connected to our purpose-sense of happiness and joy. We cannot feel disconnected to anything or deny and judge even one thing if we are to achieve the state of total connection.

Life is as simple as that. There is just ONE secret.

And the secret is to establish a relationship.

To grow into ONE

To enjoy.

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Monday, October 12, 2009

Is Your Ex Showing Signs Of Renewed Interest? Here's What To Do

By Kim Sanchez

Is your ex showing renewed interest in you? Is your ex showing some signs that he or she wants to go out with you again? Is she flirting again with you? These are good signs, but you have to make sure that your ex wants to get back again with you.

There are defined signals that your ex wants to get back with you again. This does not mean that you should jump the gun and gush out your feelings for your ex. The best way you can make sure of your ex's intentions is to play hard to get, albeit moderately. if you jump in head first without thinking, your ex might just push you back and leave hurt more than ever. If your ex is showing interest again then it's probably because you were playing hard to get in the first place.

During a fresh break up it is just natural if you are missing your ex. I know that you still have a room in your heart for your ex. Your ex still misses you as well. The lingering feeling of love is still there especially if you were in the relationship for years. Just think of all the good experiences and memories you had together. There are happiness and there are regrets in the memories. This is why you need to make sure of your ex's feelings.

Let me caution you that sometimes when an ex shows an interest it may just be a little game for them. They may be out for revenge when they perceive a wrong that you have done to them. You have to check your ex for sincerity and integrity before you jump in blind to his or her signal. That is why playing hard to get at first is the solution to know if your ex is sincere. Study the situation carefully before you do anything that can hurt you or your chances.

This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering "does my ex want to get back with me?", but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act. In reality, if your ex does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you.

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Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Goodness Of Digital Wedding Photography

By Lucille Smith

For anyone that is or has been married, the events of the day can be captured in images, forever. The beauty of digital wedding photography is the speed at which you can see and distribute the images, around the world if required.

This isn't easy; creating that perfect shot if you are taking photographs without help as there is only so much you can do on your own without help. Here are some tips if you find yourself at a friend or relations wedding taking photos with your digital camera.

Many amateur photographers make the mistake of taking pictures with a boring background which is not something you want in a wedding photo. Often the couple is in the thick of a crowd and at this point it may be easier to try and capture just their head and shoulders.

Although you don't always think about it at the time, try to ensure those wedding guests wearing spectacles either take them off or provide you with a semi-profile shot. If you are shooting into the light, remember to compensate and increase the aperture otherwise the couple (or guests) will appear dark in the image.

Where possible, try to capture shots that are natural and candid as these always look so natural when viewed later; one way to do this is to use the cameras optical zoom. With digital wedding photography always remember to be ready for the shot as it saves people posing.

The last thing you want to happen is for your digital camera to have half charged batteries and a memory card that is already half full as it will restrict how many shots you can take. For any camera with 6 mega pixels or above, you will require at least one gigabyte, preferably two gigabytes of storage space on your card if you intend to use high resolution.

The higher the resolution you set the better the images will be and the larger they can be printed out. You can do this by saving albums on your personal computer to free up the space on your memory card or burn them to a cd or dvd.

If you have a passion for photography and a good relationship with the two people getting married then your digital wedding photography images should come out just fine.

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