Each of us brings baggage to a marriage, and we've been told that everything in those emotional suitcases is vitally important.
We've also been led to believe that baggage is the cause of our marital problems. When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don't matter.
Our childhoods were neither perfect nor happy. We both struggled with issues in our past, as we all do. Joel struggled with his parents' divorce and his father's remarriage to a member of his congregation.
Joel's brother first introduced him to drugs, and by middle school he was already in too deep.
Joel was unable to emotionally mature past about where a ten year old would be. He was still that child inside an adult's body by the time we got married.
Add to this my own stumbling blocks. Before I had even started kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.
This experience, along with the ensuing court trial, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When the first day of kindergarten came, things weren't much better for me.
After a boy in my class fooled me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I couldn't bring myself to go back to school. I just couldn't. For the rest of my school years I was the girl that was made fun of for my crooked teeth or my ugliness.
Years after, I brought this weight with me to my marriage. When Joel and I entered marriage counseling, we were told that my baggage was the reason that our marriage was falling apart. This was extremely bad Christian marriage advice, but it was something we trusted because almost everyone we knew agreed with it.
What I didn't realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.
My abuser had taken away my power just as Joel was once again taking my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I felt so long ago.
Joel was afraid of the hefty baggage that I was holding on to at the time. He'd often say, "Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.". I cannot handle this; it's too heavy!" His unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain caused me to explode. Our marriage was crumbling.
But I'm here to testify and tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a husband can love his wife and bring healing to her.
I've been able to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past, and I'm whole now. And it's all because of what God has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel's unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.
Because he has provided me with pure and unlimited love, Joel has also healed. We are happier and stronger than we have ever been, through the power and grace of God. Amen.
We've also been led to believe that baggage is the cause of our marital problems. When it comes to marriage, we need to realize those suitcases just plain don't matter.
Our childhoods were neither perfect nor happy. We both struggled with issues in our past, as we all do. Joel struggled with his parents' divorce and his father's remarriage to a member of his congregation.
Joel's brother first introduced him to drugs, and by middle school he was already in too deep.
Joel was unable to emotionally mature past about where a ten year old would be. He was still that child inside an adult's body by the time we got married.
Add to this my own stumbling blocks. Before I had even started kindergarten, I was sexually molested in a park.
This experience, along with the ensuing court trial, added a countless amount of baggage to my five year old self. When the first day of kindergarten came, things weren't much better for me.
After a boy in my class fooled me into a box during Hide-and-Seek, I couldn't bring myself to go back to school. I just couldn't. For the rest of my school years I was the girl that was made fun of for my crooked teeth or my ugliness.
Years after, I brought this weight with me to my marriage. When Joel and I entered marriage counseling, we were told that my baggage was the reason that our marriage was falling apart. This was extremely bad Christian marriage advice, but it was something we trusted because almost everyone we knew agreed with it.
What I didn't realize was that Joel was pushing my buttons because he was hitting on the same things my abusers had hit on. He had zeroed in unknowingly on all of the hurt and baggage that was inside of me.
My abuser had taken away my power just as Joel was once again taking my power when we fought by rekindling the violation I felt so long ago.
Joel was afraid of the hefty baggage that I was holding on to at the time. He'd often say, "Go talk to your girlfriends, go talk to God.". I cannot handle this; it's too heavy!" His unwillingness to help me explore and heal my pain caused me to explode. Our marriage was crumbling.
But I'm here to testify and tell you now that as Christ loved the Church and brings healing, a husband can love his wife and bring healing to her.
I've been able to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past, and I'm whole now. And it's all because of what God has done in our marriage. I have been healed by Joel's unconditional love. Had we followed traditional Christian marriage counseling methods, we never would have learned the truth.
Because he has provided me with pure and unlimited love, Joel has also healed. We are happier and stronger than we have ever been, through the power and grace of God. Amen.
About the Author:
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