It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.
Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I've identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.
Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reactivity to a perceived lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.
Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming 'trophy chasers.' This 'boys will be boys' mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of 'being in love' and having that 'loving feeling.'
An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and feel very different.
Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being 'OK' may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the spouse.
The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.
The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies (many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 – 4 years to 'work through' the implications. A good coach or therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don't recommend 'marriage' counseling, at least initially.
The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one's ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one's self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.
Christian Marriage Counseling....
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Christian marriage counseling offers assistance to a married couple on the basis of Christian values and principles. The curriculum of a Christian marriage counseling program generally uses powerful Biblical themes together with proven practical skills. It helps married couples having troubled relationships understand each another and god better. This marriage counseling helps the couple obey the commandments and other principles of the scriptures, and submit themselves completely to the will of God. Churches and pastoral counselors provide Christian marriage counseling . It can be helpful at any stage of the marriage and even before the marriage. This helpful Christian counseling is a tool to help people in their troubled relationships. Christian marriage counseling generally involves three main areas: 1) problems or issues in general, such as difficulty communicating, a loss of closeness, etc. 2) personal problems that develop or occur within marriage. 3) Loss of a sense of God's principles for marriage. It is for those couple who need immediate and highly-skilled help.
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Such a nice post you have posted,When you are in a committed relationship, it is never okay to step out with someone else, I am fully agree to the above mentioned points, If somebody have suspicion he or she should follow the above mentioned tips.
I am in a situation where I looked for comfort with someone else but never entered into a sexual relationship with this person. I then found out that my husband has been pursuing a sexual relationship with a member of our church. I do not believe that God wants us to divorce but I am having incredible difficulty with this situation as the woman concerned is still very much around and my husband seems to think that it is okay for him to still maintain contact with her. He says the relationship is over but I would dearly like to punch her in the face. Every time I see them talking together it takes me all my effort to remain calm. What does God expect from me?
Third party is one of the top reason why a couple divorces.
Denver marriage counselor
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